Eid Kareem and ENS (Empty Nest Syndrome)

Eid Kareem everyone!!!!!

Sorry so late but yours truly has been busy. Even now I'm avoiding my long awaited expos paper which is due in about hmmmmmm 7 hours. I don't know if the upcoming trip back home for Thanksgiving is distracting me or the other endless issues in my life I would love to solve before New Years. Oh and I could really use sleep. sleep I miss the stuff I really do. Anyways I'm just trying to figure out what I'm doing with my life. Which you all know is utterly impossible to figure out because you never will truly know what you want in life. The beautiful thing about being a human and not the other endless things you could have been( like a pencil, wouldn't that just be sad) is that you have the choice to to choose your own path in life. Its just that nagging feeling inside that makes you question whether or not your making the right choices.

Well...... my parents "lets get you engaged"itch has became a full on rash.

Mom: So....has anyone caught your eye

Me: No my eye was never lost

Mom: Laila!!!*(fake name because well I'm not ready to truly identify myself) Come on there is some much of a variety where you are

Me: Are we talking about guys or fruit oooo!!! or Hagen Daz flavors because they are truly lacking coffee flavor here and I absolute..

Mom: Laila, Laila wouldn't you rather be engaged so you have something to look forward to?

So what is there to look forward to? The Great lost of virginity? Or walking across the stage with my degree and a job on the back burner. Seriously I don't see what the fuss is about. I don't know maybe this is part of the empty nest syndrome and theses are the symptoms. Who knows probably after Thanksgiving they won't want me to come back. sigh. Parents

xoxoxoxo

Memories

So today I met this guy who went to the exact same school as I in Egypt and we never met each other. Amazing all theses years later (with the aid of facebook) I've met someone who I probably never gave a second glance at during middle school. Amazing and scary how small this world truly is. Wow. Well I've decided to get my belly pierced this weekend. The idea is there solid in my head and I'm going to get it done. That it. I mean I'm looking at it from this perspective. No one is going to see it (only Allah i know). But generally the only person who will see it eventually is my potential husband. So its decided. My belly will be pierced by this time next week. I mean you never know what is around the corner. Last week I was this only child dealing with the aftermath of a cold and trying to figure out what kind of camera I wanted. A week later I am a biological daughter to a woman who tells me she loves me after the end of every phone call. Sadly I cannot whole heartily return the saying because I haven't reached that point yet. I can't tell my biological mother that i love her. I mean I don't hate her, I have a mutual respect for because bottom line is she is my mother. But I love my mommy. The woman who is always reminding me to pray and remember Allah. The one who would rub my back whenever I didn't feel well. The one who I ran out with in the middle of the night in Cairo to buy a big fat gigantic cake because she though it looked good. The one who always tells me to be cautious about my Facebook pictures even though I try to ignore her but she's right. The one who held me tight on my graduation and brought me a purple orchid corsage( my favorite flower and color). The woman who I wish I could end up half as amazing. Yep that the mother I love. My mom. My mommy.

xoxoxo

P.S

So who saw Nicki Menaji's new video "Right Thru Me". Frankly I can't stand the @($@$( but the guy in the video.....................xoxox

I don't know.

I have no idea how to feel. Last week I went to sleep an only child. I go to bed this morning as the second eldest of eight siblings. I have a brother that is three years old. I have seven other individuals that are going to look up to me. Seven individuals who might want to model their lives after me ( I don't mean this in a vain way I'm talking hypothetically). I can't afford to make anymore mistakes or live life carelessly. I have brothers and sisters out there. I'm in shock. I'm grateful for everything I have and I want more. I want to be successful. Before I don't know I never thought about my existence actually impacting someones life but now I don't know. I'm in so much shock. Wow Allah works in mysterious ways. I was the only child to be adopted and mashallah the only muslim as well. Allah has a plan for me. There is a reason for everything. So I'm taking a pledge to be a better muslim inshallah. I want to become closer to Rabinah because this has just been the biggest miracle in my life and proof that Allah truly looks out for you. I'm at a place I don't know. I'm in shock. I'm numb. I'm scared. I'm hopeful. I'm emotional. I'm stuck. I'm amazed. i'm alive. Alive. Alive. I've lived. I've survived. I will make it.

Today

Today a prayer was answered.

Possibly.

Today, I was blessed to learn that I am a younger and older sister.

I might have sisters.

And my biological mother.

Is alive.

Al- Humdililah.

Please look at my intellect not my ass. Thank You.

So I had to take this Women's Empowerment course this semester. First thought. Crap. I don't want to take this. I really didn't. I mean I've never been the whole feminist empowerment lets go hit those men over the head type. There are certain issues like education and the role of women in the job force that I have several strong opinions about but overall I'm fine. A guy is more than welcome to pay the bill. Yes he may buy me everything that glitters and put in me in a decent house. Thats not greed. Its common sense. Anyways over the past few weeks that class I once considered silly has slowly crept up on me and *sigh its grown on me. I actually *GASP* enjoy the class. I think what has happen is that the message of what feminism is, is changing. No its not about burning your bras and letting your underarm hair grow ( but if that is your thing then go right ahead). No its about demanding and having respect from society while at the same time being you, a woman.

So the other day we watched "Telephone" by Lady Gaga

WTH

WTF

WITW (What in the world)

I mean seriously. This is the women that practically half or our nations adolescents look up to. A crazy woman in raw meat outfits parading around in the "Pussy Wagon". What kind of message does this get out into the world? I'm not some sort of prude believe me far from it but seriously are there are still artists out there who can give the public their does of sexy yet have a message at the same time. Look at Rihanna. Her song with Emmenim "Love the Way you Lie" Brilliant. First of all Megan Fox is in the video and she's hot. No joke. She is, its like a fact whether your male or female your can't deny she does posses the hot factor. Anyways Rihanna got the message ac cross while at the same time showing off her awesome legs for all of those people who couldn't live without seeing that sexy side of her. Overall I think her stuff is pretty good and at the same time she manages to retain some of her dignity. Lady Gaga on the other hand I don't get. I mena WHAT MESSAGE IS SHE GETTING OUT INTO THE WORLD!!!I mean I understand she has stood up for the LGBT community and I respect her for that. But other than that what has she really done? This woman is financially solid. What charities has she donated to? Why isn't she working for the United Nations Ambassador coalition? Why isn't she using her platform of influence and power in the world for a broader cause? In fact what is the point of Lady Gaga being present in the pop music world because as we all have seen from Willow Smith a ten year old could do this. I don't know. Lady Gaga pisses me off. period.

On to another topic....

Ishmael Khaldi

He is a IDF solider and basically spoke at a university nearby to me. He claims that Israel's military notions are for a better Israel and Palestine. As a Baudouin Muslim AND solider in the Israeli army her is a "reformed Muslim"

Give me a fucking break.

Reformed Muslim my ass, please excuse my Arabic.The Israeli government has no interest in seeing an independently run ARAB Palestinian state. They have tried to pass a referendum to force at least 20% of the ARAB population residing or should I say captive in Israel to swear sovereignty to Israel and recognize it as a Jewish state. Its a Zionist state and of course Zionist run the world.Get used to it. Anyways it just infuriates me how this government can get away with stealing people homes and separating them from their own families. The crap going on in Iraq and the United States reason for invading is nothing compared to the genocide, yes I said genocide occurring in Palestine. It is a genocide when you cluster people in areas and deny them access to export and import goods. Its genocide when you steal their land, their sovereignty and then cry murder when Hamas retaliates. I'm am no supporter of terrorism don't get me wrong. I fully believe in fact that Bin Laden isn't a true Muslim and he is going to hell. Right along with Israeli politicians who have tried to eradicated Palestinians. Along with Bush who set up this country for decades of debt and woe for this stupid war in Iraq. I support my troops but this ha been carried on for way too long. Anyways this soldiers presence angered me and here I had to blab out on my blog. From feminism to politics. You never know what to expect with me. xoxoxo